Am I a Death Magnet

Larry my partner in crime for the Creative People in Recovery support group every Saturday said, "Man your some kind of death magnet." I got to thinking that maybe he is right. After all I lost two close friends within a few months of each other.

It all started in the early nineties. I get a call from a cold hospital worker saying "Dr Wagner can not make your appointment tomorrow." Well DR. Wagner could not make any appointments since he died. My resource coordinator told me the next day and read me his obituary over the phone. I went to his funeral. It was the first time someone close to me died since I never really got to know my grandparents.

Everything was ok for awhile but in late 1990's my friend John committed suicide. It was the first time someone I knew committed suicide. It would not be the last.

My mom died on December 30, 1999. I always said "She missed the new millenium by one day. It was painful. I loved moma a lot. She was a great mother and activist. She got a posthumous award for her mental health / homeless advocacy. Fro years she fought for the rights of people society deemed worthless, especially people in state hospitals where she fought to end the use of restraints.

Things were ok for awhile. And then Marie my best friend and sister got Melinoma. She lied to us saying "It's only basil cell." every time we said "Get that thing off your back." She died on November 6, 2005. Over one hundred and ten people came to her funeral. They all said that she was a wonderful human being who cared about others. I some times wonder why she would not get treatment. I guess she saw our mother die slowly from cancer and did not want to go that route. I wrote 30 some poems about her and want to start up on them again.

Then dad died on September 27, 2006. I found him dead in his bed. He was naked. I called 911 and the parimedics came and declared him dead. They asked me what he had medically. I was sobbing so one said "We need to know stuff about your dad. So calm down for a little bit." I said "diabetes, heart failure and high blood pressure." I called my family(what is left of them) in Texas (A sister and brother-inlaw) and Pittsburgh ( A Brother and sister in law.) This was the shittiest day of my life. Worse then restraints. Worse then my psychosis in which I thought demon worshipers were after me. I kept seeing my dad dead in his bed. To shack this image from dominating my head I created three poster collages of his life. To this day I rotate them with my sisters posters and my moms which i created for each of their funerals.

Next up was John from church and the movement. I first met him at the wonderful Wed. program at my church. I knew something was up with him and then he came to a conference for people in recovery for mental illnesses. Well at church he said during class that he was suicidal and that he did a practice of taking a large dose of medicine. The minister tried to help him. HE did not come to the next session. I called the minister the next day to see how he was. She said are you doing anything now?" I said no. She came over and was crying and said "Do not do this to yourself. he hurt so many people by doing this" I promised I would not.

In August my friend Warren died of brain cancer. He was a great guy and I will always remember how he and his partner Tony showed us around New YOrk City when I had my art show at the HAI gallery. What a sweet human being he was. I went to his viewing and the catholic church service. I went to his grave site with Tony and his family. I also did a zine of his poetry but his family will not return my calls concerning it.

I thought it was over. Who else could die in my life??? Then Karen. I met Karen when I was in Friends Hospital when I was 16. We shared an aunt and uncle and set of cousins despite not being related. Her mom was my aunts sister who married my moms brother. She always said we were kissing cousins. WE did so much together over the years, like the Renaisance RAire and New Hope and Princeton. Like Warren, she was one of my best friends. She said that she never felt so depressed to me about a month before here death. She committed suicide on December 9,2007. My family wanted to wait to tell me when I got to Texas to see my sister and brother in law, but her brother found my number with a note that said "Call David." In some respects I was glad I learned of it then since I got the chance to write about our life together before my vacation in Texas. I shared it with my uncle, aunt and cousins we shared and her brother and father, who has Alzheimers.

Well I hope I did not depress you. And please stay alive.

Meat is Murder

So I went to H Market for the first time since my friend from the peace movement said "They got all kinds of tofu there." I went to her house for Christmas and they had Tofurkey for dinner. It was nice. Why am I eating tofu you ask? That is so unAmerican you say. After all Americans eat 15% of all the animals produced in the world despite us being only 5% of the population. Well this is the new America that I predict will arrise soon. People doing things that are better for the environment since in case you are oblivious to the fact and you view it all as Al Gore bullshit to quote one of my family members. THIS WORLD IS DYING. And as a citizen of the world, I want to do all I can to keep it alive and kicking.

Here are some facts to help you decide if I am a wacky UnAmerican or not. (My source is Visions: Volume 12: American Visionary Art Museum. Everything quoted from this source has "" around it. )

Water Supply-- "A pound of meat requires 2,500 gallons of water to produce." Well what about the draught in Atalanta. And how about people in Africa. Couldn't they use this water?

Air and Water Pollution: "US livestock produce 20 times more excrement that do humans, constituting 12% of all ozone depleting methane emisions and raising ammonia and nitrate levels in drinking water to dangerous levels." I once read that people who live near these animal factories have serious health problems due to all the poop these creatures produce.

Land Use: "80 % of all US corn and soybeans that are grown are used to feed livestock" IF you eat tofu instead you are bypassing this problem and cutting down on the amount of acres of rain forest that need to be copped down to feed you and other Americans.

Energy Efficiency: "The world's petroleum reserves could last 20 times longer if used for food production other then meat." It takes less resources to produce tofu. I know you are saying "I hate tofu. How could he eat that. He is UnAmerican. Americans eat meat." Well I love America and the world> I want to see it last.

There are other things listed in the article to prove my point. Maybe you can look it up on the internet at www.avam.org. They have excellent exhibits that run a whole year. Last year was Animals and how they relate to us. I just want to say that the Smiths had it right : Meat is Murder. The way these chickens, pigs, and cows are treated should convince and caring human being that eating animals is nasty. Plain and simple. I wish I did this diet earlier in my life.

Goodbye Hollywoood

I'm a movie freak to the tenth degree. I watch about two hundred a year. Everything from Who the #$% is Jackson Pollock to some B horror movie. Since I don't have a TV, Movies are my primary source of entertainment. (I decided not to own a TV due to a severe addiction to that evil boob tube, I developed at a young age. Basically tv is my crack, chronic, crank, cosmopolitan or whichever concoction you prefer. So I don't own a TV. Many people think that this is extremely odd but honestly I am not your average Joe, Dan or Dave.) Well I went to Hollywood Video to get my fix one Febuary Tuesday since Tuesday is new release day. I like walking around and absorbing all the future entertainment obtions. Well when I got to the check out counter with my two new movies (The Nines and Moving McAllister both of which I give two enthusiastic thumbs up.) The check out guy, Christopher, scanned my movies and said "By the way we are closing this store." Well were can I go to get my movies," I asked. "In Bristol we have a store," Christopher said. I said "That is a long drive just for movies." "I know. It sucks," Christopher said. Then I mentioned the B word. "I guess I can go back to Blockbuster." I said. "Maybe they won't go out of business. I thought you guys were doing awesome. I mean everytime I'm in here there are tons of people getting movies." "I know," Christopher said. "It is because of corporate management." I shook his hand goodbye thinking to myself. "DAmn that corporate management. I bet that CEO prick got a two million dollar McMAnsion with an indoor swimming pool and a hot tub, while poor Christopher is without a job.

Well pretty soon I will head over to Blockbuster to get my movie fix. I remember getting a zine by someone who worked there and he called it Cocksuckers instead of Blockbuster and went on and on about them sucking major league balls. Oh well, Cocksuckers it is. I need my fix and I ain't driving all the way to Bristol just to get it. I know from the commercial that they got a movie plan to hook me up for a monthly fee just like Hollywood.

Goodbye Hollywood Video. It was nice knowing you. Rest in Peace.

Dumb Spilling Shit

Well. Once again friends. I had another one of those brief annoying moments this morning. Was reading the paper all morning since I decided to skip the protest of the Iraq bullshit war, since it was snowing when I woke up this morning. But yes I went to acquire the drugs that keep my heart pumping correctly and my cholestrol at a nicer level. God must of said up there "You pathetic peon. You should be out there protesting that damn war, instead of reading about Amy Winehouse and all the awards the pathetic wino / crack addict / other essential intoxicating goodies injester will be receiving." I did the lunch thing which would of been a toasted bagel and cheese what appeared to be pumpernickle until I discovered the raisons and deemed it disgusting and then defrosted one without raisons. I poured a glass of tomato juice then sat down ate then sat back down in the living room to continue reading about my favorite famous drug addicts in the Philly paper. I went to pick up the Arts and Entertainment section and knocked over the tomato juice. It spilled all over the newspaper. I then panicked and thought oh well it was only tomato juice unlike the one time when God interveened on my drunkenness by me dropping a case of Yeungling Lager down my steps to my apartment. That time was more crucial than a little bit of tomato juice on the Philadelphia Inquirer.

Welcome one and all to my Toxic Evolution Productions. How's the hatred??? Mines fine. And I am the evolutionary toxic man. I will be posting my writings and artwork. So sit tight and enjoy the ride.